“Moving away from home removes all support systems and as a result two things happen, you are forced to rebuild that system, learn to trust again, and lean on and open up to others in ways you haven’t before, creating a resilience in yourself and your relationship that you didn’t know existed. It creates new relationships with your old support system, you learn to communicate differently, appreciate differently; all which makes for a different you that exists.”
Rachel and her husband, an Executive Chef made two big moves to different provinces in Canada all while starting their family. The first move was from Toronto to Winnipeg; a city she never gave a second thought to until it was put in front of them. People in Winnipeg keep their own close to their chest and so she was often overlooked for positions she applied to. After some perseverance, someone gave her a chance, offering her a great position and around the same time, she became pregnant with her daughter Charlotte. Sometimes everything falls simultaneously into place (even though it doesn’t seem like it at the time). After two years in Winnipeg, they grew to love the community and would come to miss it when they made their next relocation to another Canadian city.
Calgary is where they currently live, and once again, Rachel got a job and found out she was pregnant with their son Eytan (now 6 months old). Charlotte and Rachel experienced hotel living including enjoying lots of room service until they got settled into their new life in Calgary! Once settling into their home, she had to adjust to cooking again; not her favorite pastime. I asked her if she finds it intimidating to cook for a chef, but she informed me that her dislike for cooking started long before meeting her husband. It was however, one of the things that attracted her to him!
When considering the moves they have made they always did an internal gut check before deciding to leave family, friends and jobs. Rachel has chosen to support her husband on his career journey while managing to maintain her own career and raise their family.
When making decisions in life, stopping to do that deep gut check can really help you find the answers you need. Even though a move can be challenging it can be worth it for the life experience we gain. Picking up and moving our lives is not for the faint of heart but it can be very rewarding.
Moving around Canada has allowed the experience of exploring her home country. “Everyone wants to see the world before their own country.” She has discovered Canada has a lot to offer. With all the moving around they have still managed to keep consistency for Charlotte. She has flown a lot in her life. She is a transient kid.
During her first maternity leave she connected with others on a Facebook group with mothers of babies the same age as hers. It was a supportive community and they are still in touch. Now during her second leave she feels busier and likes to get out on her own to recharge. Rachel needs time on her own to regenerate. I find I am feeling a similarly on my current mat leave. Craving time on my own to reconnect with myself.
Rachel spent a lot of time on her own before meeting her husband and having children. She always wanted to meet someone, settle down and have a family but once you are in it you realize how hard it can be to maintain your independence through it all. Another difficult shift is when relationships with friends who are not at the same life stage as you can change. Relating can become harder and harder as you drift into a new phase of life that is all encompassing. Motherhood can be very isolating at times.
Since becoming a parent, the reality that they can’t just “go out for drinks” at the drop of a hat is difficult. Rachel misses the independence. They had a great life in Toronto with family, friends and community and adjusting to this new lifestyle is a challenge. When Charlotte and Eytan were born family came to help but once they left reality set in. Without an established community around her they couldn’t just pop by someone’s house; they didn’t have that familiarity with people in their new city.
Another adjustment was going from condo living to home ownership. I personally found this shift an interesting one when I left Toronto to move back to my home town. Rachel loved condo life. If she could find one that accommodated the needs of her family, she would do it in a heartbeat but realizes having a backyard and space has its advantages. The house requires a full day of cleaning and can cause resentment to creep into her mind. (Can anyone relate?) The ability to garden was nice the first year but this past summer half the flowers died…and the novelty wore off. When they finally settle, she would like a smaller home. “We are lucky to have what we have… our kids will be fine because we will be there for them.”
It is funny how sometimes as we gain more in life, we crave simplicity. Having children can create clear focus on what is essential.
Rachel realized early in her journey into motherhood; you cannot control everything. She was given the advice “all you have to do is keep them alive” and it gives her perspective when she needs it. Kids can’t do anything else if they aren’t safe and fed so that should be the main goal! She keeps things simple and goes with the flow. She doesn’t worry too much about them watching a bit of TV if they are getting all the other things they need. Letting the worry and guilt go is something most mothers strive for but find much easier said than done.
When it comes to her own career, she specializes in the Human Resources field. A conscious choice after noticing most students in her business program were majoring in Marketing. She realized the competition for jobs would be fierce. HR has allowed her to work in the retail, hospitality, financial and automotive industries. It is a versatile profession with a lot of prospect to work in many different sectors. I may be a little biased on this one, but I think it is a very gratifying career path!
As she enters the second half of her second maternity leave, she feels its time to make some decisions. She is thinking of getting a new certification while off work to align her better for the next step in her career. Rachel doesn’t know exactly what comes next, but she has come to the point where all the things she has been waiting for are in front of her. “I have a strong desire to accomplish something further and it feels like something is pending.” Making sure her kids see the balance of her being a mom and a person is incredibly important to her. Previous generations didn’t do the best job of this and she feels it is vital for kids to understand this about their parents.
By going with the flow when opportunities have come her way, Rachel has learned to let go and enjoy the simplicity of life while embracing new cities and jobs.
Maybe a change you are currently considering isn’t as scary as you thought and maybe it will all work out the way it is meant to. Go on, do a gut check and if it feels right take the leap!
Story written by Jenn DiRaddo Jefferson of Career Pump
You can follow Rachel on Instagram @storiesofthechefswife or her Blog storiesofthecheswife.com
Next up, a story about an inspiring mother of two girls who shares a piece of her heart with us.
Follow my Instagram page @careerpump for career related impactful content.
Performing Under Mother Pressure 