“Trips are not “vacations” anymore now that we bring the kids, but we have a good time and we don’t want to miss out on opportunities to travel or get away for the weekend. It is challenging but worth the memories we make.”
Melissa has recently moved from commuting to work to working from home. Now as a mom of two, Blaire who is 4 and Shea who is 17 months, this new role which also happens to be her ideal position for this stage of her career, has checked all the boxes; allowing more work/home balance and career engagement.
After having Blaire, she and her husband moved to the University town where they met and had to establish their new life and home as a family of three. It was not comfortable interviewing for positions during her maternity leave because she was concerned that employers were aware, that due to her age and stage of life, she would most likely be going on maternity leave again. She felt this was not something employers would see as favourable but finally, she secured a marketing role at an insurance company, she would just have to commute. The commute meant she was always nervous near the end of the day about picking up her daughter on time. She toughed it out until she became pregnant again and was nearing the end of her maternity leave with her son and realized she didn’t know if she would be returning.
After they gave her a chance she hated being “that” person getting pregnant soon after being hired and not coming back after the maternity leave. She enjoyed working with the team, but was looking for a role that offered greater challenges and a position that was more conducive to the life she needed in order to balance all her responsibilities and time. Luckily her boss at the time understood when she told him her dream position had come up elsewhere and she needed to do what was right for her family. He too had a young family and so was more understanding than she initially anticipated.
This dream position meant interviewing and writing a blog post as part of the process while she was away on vacation in Boston; this job meant working from home and in a role that was highly engaging for her. This role, which is for a Non-Profit, Government funded organization that focuses on bringing broadband internet to rural communities, was the perfect fit. The company helps support farming and agricultural industries whose current economic prosperity is suffering. As a Communications Manger, her new role is focused on public relations, government relations and stakeholder engagement. Fortunately her new boss believes in her and understands her priorities at home.
Melissa recently presented at a conference on behalf of her boss. She was nervous but decided to lean in to the opportunity. She just hoped she wouldn’t lean in so hard she would fall on her face! To prepare she rehearsed her presentation, drafted responses to questions she thought might be thrown at her, and it ended up going extremely well. This built up her confidence to take on more challenges like this in the future.
Settling into this new lifestyle means battling the expectations that come with working from home. Going from maternity leave to working from home meant she didn’t drop any of her “housekeeping” chores and responsibilities. People assume you can do laundry, start dinner and handle other household chores when you work from home. If the kids have a sick day or a snow day she feels obligated to be the parent that “stays home” . Her husband has a demanding job that takes him out of the house a few nights a week. So, during those evening she is on her own for dinner and bedtime with the kids. Overall Melissa feels her, and her husband Steve have a good balance of responsibilities but there have been new challenges to adjust to since she decided to take a job with a home office.
“You can’t work late when working from home. It is a struggle if a call runs late or I need to wrap something up because I have the responsibility to pick up the kids and even if my husband is home, they are all constantly coming to get me for things.” Melissa gets stir crazy sometimes being at home, but it allows her to workout or go for a run on her lunch. She also gets professional interaction in person by attending conferences and board meetings.
Being career oriented can be difficult at this stage of a woman’s life. Many of us feel that we worked to hard to get where we are just to throw in the towel after having children. We worry so much about the gaps on our resume that maternity leave or being a stay at home mom creates. I would like to see women feeling more confident about this choice and making the connection that being a mother brings transferable skills and major perspective to the workplace. Employers should see this as a benefit to their organization and team. We might just have to connect the dots for them.
Something Melissa has gained from parenting so far is patience. Now it’s a matter of incorporating that into her marriage and work life. “Rushing a four-year-old never works!” She takes the time to really listen to her kids and let them formulate their thoughts. Letting Blaire take time to explain herself always makes things easier. It is hard as a parent not to be on an agenda but rushing time with kids doesn’t make anything go smoothly. “Mental gymnastics is what being a parent is.” By using new ways to rephrase things, reacting in a calm manner and saying “no” without actually saying it, she is navigating effective communication with her children. For example, she will often grab a black garbage bag and calmly put her kids toys into it to get them to pay attention and realize what they are doing will have consequences. I might steel this trick!
Travel and social time are very important to Melissa. Someone once said to her once you have children all of this will end. It has become a goal of hers not to let that happen. It is an adjustment of expectations on vacation as it isn’t relaxing and can be very challenging with kids in tow but, they feel it is worth it. She even drove to Cape Cod for nine hours with both kids. She is the planner and packer and has become quite good at it after being away a lot. Although she may have to adjust the destinations that make sense for her family, she still thinks it is important to get away. So maybe a trip to Honduras couldn’t happen right now but ten days in Mexico at an all-inclusive worked well for her family. Next its off to the Bahamas. In the summer they love saying yes to cottage trips for the weekend and although it isn’t the same as it used to be, they are making great new memories as a family.
Melissa wanted to share some advice for making family travel a little easier…
Tip for travelling with kids:
- Being patient with your partner. Travelling should be fun. Make sure you make it fun.
- Leave time by making time. You need time for fun spontaneous actives. (e.g. allowing your child time to play at the kid centre at the airport when you know you are already 10 mins behind schedule.
- Pack new toys and activities for kids to unwrap. I always hit up the Dollar Tree before a long trip. If the kids start getting crazy, we introduce a new “surprise”.
- Make friends on the plane, especially with the flight attendants (once spent 2.5 hours in the galley with the flight attendants because Blaire (10 months) refused to sit in our seat.
- Something to remember: Children are like a golden ticket when you travel, you usually get to bypass any line with them in tow
- Invest in a really good umbrella stroller if you like to travel, you can even split the cost with a friend if they have a child of similar age. We purchased the Uppababy G-Luxe and it’s been a game changer. We also bought the Baby Bjorne packyard and a travel cot (Regalo Deluxe My Cot Portable Toddler Travel Bed) since we are always on the go which both items have made life so much easier when beds/cribs aren’t available.
Blaire started school this past Fall. It’s an interesting time when your child enters kindergarten as they are learning about dynamics outside of their nuclear and larger family dynamics. As well, they are learning a greater sense of independence and how to assert themselves. Melissa and Steve try to be mindful not to stifle this, but they always talk to Blaire about who she been playing with each day and try to encourage her to invite new friends to join in play with her. As Blaire settles into this phase, Melissa already notices some interesting changes in her daughter. Cliques forming, not wanting to play with boys because “boys are silly” (the same boys that she was friends with before entering school) and hiding from teachers to chew gum!
She came home one day saying she didn’t like another little girl, so Melissa asked her why. She said, “because she has boogers!”. Melissa then reminded her, “Blaire you have boogers! I just clean them off you every day!”. So, it begins… “We’ve really tried to teach Blaire first and foremost to treat people how you want to be treated. This can be a challenging concept for a four-year-old, but it can be taught through small conversations about situations they may encounter throughout their day, even something as small as addressing a “sassy” tone they may be taking about brushing their teeth or getting dressed. Fingers crossed that eventually she’ll be comfortable with playing pirates (Blaire loves captain hook and the crocodile, “tik tok”) again and break away, occasionally, from her “new found love” of playing princesses. Steve and I ultimately hope she learns how to be an independent thinker and feel comfortable doing what makes her happy.”
The same goes for Shea, however he’s still at the grunting and pointing at objects phase. Although he’s awful cute and usually extremely successful at getting his point across, they still have some time before inflicting the same torturous conversations on him about his school day.
Melissa and Steve are starting to feel in the groove of life with young kids. Some days are easier than others, but they are in it together. They wouldn’t trade these memories for anything in the world.
This story was written by Jenn DiRaddo Jefferson of Career Pump
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