“I’m a way better person since having children and I’m so proud to be their mom. Charlie was the catalyst for going back to school and changing the direction of my life.”
Erin had always been a great student, but when she started University, she lost herself. She was in a program that didn’t resonate with who she was. This lack of engagement was a huge hit to her self esteem. She pulled away from music, which had always been important to her, and failed many of her classes. It wasn’t until she had her son Charlie that she started to take it all more seriously and finished her program. She started a home daycare while he was young and enjoyed it for some time. It was awesome but hard and she realized it wasn’t her calling. For some people it is, and they excel at it, but she wanted something different. She wasn’t feeling fulfilled in all the ways she needed. It was time to figure out what she needed to do to get back to her true self.
When Charlie went to Kindergarten, Erin went back to school for Human Resources. She finally felt she had the support she needed to make it happen. She recognizes that without her husband Kevin, she wouldn’t be where she is today. Erin had always been an effective communicator and big picture thinker. She is a passionate person who wants to do great things. For her, HR was the right choice and she was finally engaged at school. Giving it her all meant a lot to her. Everything came a lot easier once she got on the right path; she cannot imagine doing anything else. Getting a co-op position (which was competitive as not all students in her program get them) was essential to her and really helped her enter the workforce. She now runs the Human Resources function at small environmental consulting firm and loves her company and job.
When Erin had Charlie, none of her friends were having children so it was quite isolating at times. She now has two children: Charlie is 9 and Harrison is 2 ½. Having Charlie was a bit of a shock to the system, so she waited a while before feeling ready to have another baby. Unfortunately, when she did feel ready, she experienced two miscarriages, but this gave her the time to focus on her career before having Harrison. Everything seemed to fall in place the way it was meant to.
As Charlie got older, she started to notice his perfectionist nature and how bright he was. He was using a fork and spoon at 6 months old and reading by 3 years old. But everyone thinks their child is a genius, right? (I know I do!). Things became more concerning when he started school and his separation anxiety was at a very high level. Charlie started in French Immersion and though he was extremely smart, he was struggling to feel comfortable in the classroom. Every day they would have to drag him in, and it was emotional and exhausting. Eventually they came up with a plan where they would start him at the principal’s office and then eventually, he would make it to his class. In the end, after many discussions with his teacher and school, Erin and Kevin made the difficult decision to move Charlie to an English school.
During the transition to the new school Charlie was diagnosed as being on the spectrum. He is considered 2E, which is twice exceptional. He is considered high functioning, gifted and suffering from high anxiety. Getting this diagnosis was a long, frustrating and expensive road and it is still far from over. Unfortunately, he was not high needs enough to get coverage for the assessment through school. Kevin and Erin used their company benefits strategically to get assessments and test covered but couldn’t get it all covered. Funding is still very confusing and a waiting game.
Charlie’s move to the new school was not smooth. He would spend the day plotting his escape and has run home on more than one occasion. For Charlie school is traumatizing and he doesn’t feel safe. This is a basic need of his that is not being met and as a parent I know this would cause me a lot of stress and anxiety knowing my child was experiencing this every day. The school has been supportive, and they continue to work to find the right solutions for Charlie’s best interest but it has been difficult.
Erin decided to get him assessed after a conversation with a colleague of hers whose son is on the spectrum. He felt Charlie sounded a lot like his son. His son is now in University and has good friends and is living on his own. This gives Erin and Kevin hope as they worry about what Charlie’s future will look like.
Talking to other parents who do not have children with special needs can be hard because they just don’t get it. Fortunately, she has found some wonderful support groups online that have made her feel less alone and part of a community of people who understand but sometimes out of nowhere the grief hits. Erin is an immediate griever and releaser, open with her feelings and facing them head on. She is not afraid to feel something and tell others. This helps her heal and embrace her family situation. Another thing that really helps Erin cope with navigating Charlie’s diagnosis is having her family close by.
Erin hopes that by advocating for Charlie he will learn to advocate for himself. She wants to assist in educating people about autism as there are a lot of stereotypes and conclusions people come to that are just not accurate. I learned a lot from our conversation and have been taking the time to understand the intricacies and variances of this disorder. Even if we are not directly impacted by something, I feel it is still our duty to attempt to be educated and understand so we can help our own children be more supportive to classmates and friends in their lives who may experience life differently than they do.
Erin felt
it was essential that I share some information from a trusted source on this
subject. She recommended Temple Grandin and I have already learned so much from
this woman, who is dedicated to helping people navigate autism. “As the number of children diagnosed with
autism continues to rise nationally, Grandin is sharing her message about the
disorder and “differently-abled brains” with packed houses. At the heart
of that message is this: Rigid academic and social expectations could wind up
stifling a mind that, while it might struggle to conjugate a verb, could one
day take us to distant stars.
Parents get so worried about the deficits that they don’t build up the
strengths, but those skills could turn into a job, said Grandin, who addresses
scientific advances in understanding autism in her newest book, “The Autistic
Brain: Thinking Across the Spectrum.” These kids often have uneven
skills. We need to be a lot more flexible about things. Don’t hold these
math geniuses back. You’re going to have to give them special ed in reading
because that tends to be the pattern, but let them go ahead in math.” – To learn
more about Temple Grandin visit https://templegrandin.com/
“Charlie is the most empathetic, sarcastic, kind kid I know. He is honest, loyal, focused and determined but I worry about how he will do in a future job interview.” Humour and sarcasm are a huge part of Erin’s family dynamic and Charlie is an integral part of that. As parents, Erin and Kevin worry that Charlie won’t have a future as bright as he is. As an HR professional she worries about his job prospects and how he will support himself through life. We all worry about these things, but it is heightened when your child doesn’t fit into the norms of society and may struggle more than his peers. It is especially challenging when you can see all of the incredible gifts they have to share.
“His mental health is so important to me.” As Erin and her family struggle to keep Charlie comfortable in the traditional school environment, they feel that homeschooling is not off the table. He currently completes his work in a resource room and attends half days at school. His Grandmother takes care of him along with his brother for the other part of the day. Homeschooling would mean some major coordination and work for their entire family, but they a prepared to make changes necessary to best support Charlie.
Charlie was excited about his diagnosis and loves to highlight some of the famous geniuses who are thought to have had autism like Einstein, Tesla and Mozart. With shows like “Atypical” on Netflix and the new Autistic character Julie on Sesame Street, it seems mainstream media is trying to bring these topics to light and help children and adults understand and be more tolerant and accepting of those with autism. Unfortunately, we still have a long way to go with regards to complete social acceptance and integration. Fortunately, there are many success stories of people with autism living great lives with successful careers, partnerships and finding their place in this world. As parents with a young child recently diagnosed, it is natural to fear the future. Regardless of increased tolerance and awareness and many success stories the worry would still creep in.
Harrison has been a great companion and comfort to Charlie. There relationship is growing, and Erin is so thankful they have each other. Her boys have made Erin a better person and employee. They have helped her get back to the root of who she truly is, and she is so grateful for them and her husband Kevin who is her perfect counterpart.
Erin doesn’t have a lot of space for things outside of family and her own self care right now, but she is ok with that. She is managing to carve out some space for herself by getting back to music; taking up the Ukulele and is singing! Half the people she works with are musical and so this encouraged her to get back this missing piece of herself. She loves to read, play sports, take baths, do yoga and sleep[EK1] ; things that keep her grounded and able to tackle everything that comes her way.
Erin’s courageous heart and open mind are leading her though this complex time in her life. With the support of his incredible family, I have no doubt Charlie will make it through the fog and into the light that will guide his wonderfully unique path. I am grateful to have received insight into the intimate details of their family and I hope this story opens a necessary dialogue about autism and its intricate variances.
I will end with this quote from Temple Grandin’s website, “The skills that people with autism bring to the table should be nurtured for their benefit and society’s.” Grandin said. “And, if a cure for autism were found, she would choose to stay just the way she is. “I like the really logical way that I think. I’m totally logical. In fact, it kind of blows my mind how irrational human beings are,” She said. “If you totally get rid of autism, you’d have nobody to fix your computer in the future.”
Story written by Jenn DiRaddo Jefferson of Career Pump. Follow along for more impactful content on navigating your career and motherhood on Instagram or Facebook @careerpump
[EK1]I also enjoy playing sports
Performing Under Mother Pressure 