Laura Perkins

“When I woke up from my surgery I looked down at my toes and thought please tell me I have my leg”

Laura is a mother and a warrior. She is a cancer survivor still in the thralls of PTSD from her experience.

When pregnant with her daughter she suffered from sciatica and discomfort as many women do (myself included). She did not gain much weight but thought this might just be how her body carried a baby. Everything was fine in her ultrasounds and so when her birth ended up being a C-Section she assumed it was due to a small pelvis. Her experience became abnormal when the pain returned a few weeks after giving birth. She was rapidly losing weight, and her mother, a nurse, noted her concern. Recovery from c-section was very difficult with low hemoglobin and dizziness and Laura knew something just wasn’t right. She was not prepared for what would transpire in the coming weeks.

A flurry of tests, including MRIs, ultrasounds, CT scans, and endless blood work would show a mass in her pelvis- all while her infant daughter was months old. A hematoma- localized bleeding outside of the vessels resulting from disease, trauma or injury was what doctors hoped it was. Laura too, figured it couldn’t be anything more concerning than that. She was only twenty-nine years old, what could be wrong?

When her doctor decided to send her for further testing at the Juravinski Cancer Center in Hamilton Ontario, her anxiety increased. It was not a hematoma, and Laura was diagnosed with an aggressive stage three Chondrosarcoma, located in her pelvis. This rare form of cancer typically generates in the bones, most commonly in the hips or pelvis, and in middle-aged people, adults over the age of sixty, not twenty-nine-year-old, perfectly “healthy” new mothers. Laura received her diagnosis of this rare, aggressive cancer surrounded by her family, and among them, her infant daughter.

Although this was devastating news, Laura did not show a lot of emotion through it. She was in a state of shock and couldn’t understand why this was happening to her. A new mom. A young woman.  Healthy.  Although the prognosis looked hopeful, she had a long road ahead. It started with radiation. Chemotherapy doesn’t work on her type of cancer. At the time all of this was happening she was engaged and had always dreamed of a destination wedding. With everything that she was facing, they decided to get married the day she completed her radiation before going into surgery. They didn’t know what the outcome would be and wanted to marry before facing this huge obstacle.

Radiation was not that awful at first but as the weeks progressed the pain and exhaustion kicked in. Her mother took care of Alyssa while her husband worked, and her stepfather took her to her appointments in Hamilton. She had thirty-eight sessions of radiation and the round trip was four hours each time. This meant her maternity leave was pretty much nonexistent and her mother had to step up and raise Alyssa for the first year of her life.

Laura’s surgery was looming, and she didn’t know if she would live through it. There was a high chance of amputation or fatality. They wouldn’t know what the tumor was attached to until they went inside. Their hope was to preserve her leg and mobility; the outlook was grim. Amazingly, Laura came out of surgery in the best-case scenario. But even still it would be an extremely long and onerous journey as she recovered. She was in the ICU for one and a half weeks and then in several hospitals from November to February of that year. She had a left hemi-pelvectomy and had her hip reconstructed with an implant that is attached to her femur. Her tumor was 15 centimeters long.

The months that followed the surgery brought other complications as she had infections and a second surgery as well as bed sores and an incisional wound. Severe depression set in during those days while she was in rehab. She wanted to be a mom, go to mom groups; not have her daughter visit her in the hospital if she wanted to see her. There was a lot of emotion and questioning of her reasons for living. Alyssa kept her strong through those dark days. “Alyssa pushed me to focus on my rehab. I had someone to fight for. Alyssa needed her mommy”

“Alyssa’s first year was stolen from me. I didn’t get to experience what most parents would. I had to rely on a lot of people. I am usually very independent, but I couldn’t be and had to take the help.”

Laura was finally able to leave the hospital and moved in with her mother and stepfather for support. Her husband would come to visit but worked nights in Toronto, so it was difficult for them both. Laura’s return home was also confusing for Alyssa. All she had ever known was visits to the hospital to see her mommy, and now she was right here. The adjustment period was difficult because Alyssa relied on her grandmother, and that was difficult for Laura. Thankfully, Laura’s mother supported the building of a mother-daughter relationship between Laura and Alyssa.

Not all the time in the hospital was bad. She has vivid flashbacks of her daughters’ visits and even got to see her walk from her hospital bed to the door soon after she took her first steps at home. But the first few years of her daughter’s life were anything but normal.

Every time Laura sees her doctor, she asks her why this happened to her. She can’t let go of that question. But, doctors can’t’ really answer it. They also can’t answer why her outcome was such a miracle. Her case is studied by professionals and students around the world and her doctor remains in awe of how well she came out of the surgery. It is possible the hormones from being pregnant may have caused the tumor to grow more aggressively. Her doctors assure her that if she didn’t have the surgery, she would not have survived. “I sometimes have thoughts; was it worth going through everything I did. Then I look at Alyssa and know every ounce of pain I experienced and time recovering was worth it to be with my baby girl.” If they had found the cancer during her pregnancy, she might not have Alyssa today. “I try to focus on what I can do. I cannot go tobogganing or skating with my daughter, but I am alive and can take her for walks or attend her dance competitions and I am grateful that I can see her grow up”. She was fortunate to see her daughter start school, a friend she met through a cancer support group did not get that chance.

Laura will always walk with a cane and have some difficulties from her surgery but today she is living a very full and rewarding life. She still experiences feelings of PTSD from her ordeal. It was over six years ago but the loss of time with her daughter and darkness from those days still hover over her. Today Laura and Alyssa share a close bond. Alyssa is six years old and she always wants mommy; very in tune with Laura’s emotions. “She takes care of me” Laura said. “Her friends ask her, why does your mom have a cane” and Alyssa responds, “she just needs it to help her walk, she has always had a cane, that’s how my mommy walks”. To her it is normal, she has never known any different.

Laura worked for Ultra Manufacturing in a Human Resources role before going on maternity and sick leave. Most people she worked with cancel their benefits before their maternity leave, so she did too. When she went off on sick leave, she did not have long term disability coverage. Her company tried to fight the insurance company on this but because she was high risk they didn’t budge. Things were very tough financially, but she applied for CPP disability and got it from the date she first discovered her tumour. Her husband’s work did a fundraiser for them and they got by. Medical issues can take a toll on families in so many ways, especially financially.

Laura’s company was very supportive with a gradual return to work plan. She started in a Corporate Human Resources role two hours a day, three days a week. Exhausting for Laura, but so good for her mental health. Focusing on something other than her cancer. Slowly she increased her hours to five days a week; quickly realizing this was too much for her to handle. She went to a four-day work week with one day working from home so she could ice, heat and sit in her lazyboy as needed.

While her company was very empathetic, it eventually became apparent to Laura that she needed a new challenge. She felt guilty thinking about leaving a company that she had been with for seven years and concerned about looking for a new job, given her situation. Being in a place where everyone knew her story from day one was comfortable and supportive. What would it be like for her to venture into the workforce, to the unknown? She needed to explore that.

Laura began her job search; wondering if people were staring at her due to her disability. When the time came for her interview at Dejero (A Software Company) she nailed the interview. She had always wanted to move into the tech sector and luckily this great company gave her the opportunity. She was hired for her skills and experience and they didn’t care about her cane. She was curious if other companies didn’t give her the job because of it, but now she was working in a company that was open to the accommodations she needed. “People are so helpful and amazing at my work.” Laura eventually shared her complete story with her boss and the empathy and understanding she received allows her to thrive in her career. “It’s comforting knowing your manager is supportive.”

Laura is an advocate for the Young Adults Cancer Group and participates in several events through Young Adult Cancer Canada where she shares her story to help others. She attends conferences and retreats where members are struggling and wants to connect with others; she understands what they’re going through. The conversation of fear of entering the workforce is a common topic she can confidently address with others. By sharing her story, she hopes to encourage others; helping them realize there are so many companies out there that are willing to support and accommodate them.

After going through major changes to your health, your confidence can be impacted. Returning to work can be daunting and many people never do. Going through a job search and interview process is difficult for many people but when your ego has been shattered by life threatening illness and your life path forever altered, it can be so hard to get back onto a track with your career. Laura amazes me with her perseverance and drive. We can all learn something from her. Change is always hard but if we dig deep, we have the strength inside us to go for what we want. Sometimes we must ask for help along the way, we cannot navigate life on our own and that is ok.

Laura is still working to move past the grief she feels for the expectation she had for her life. Although there have been major improvements in her health she still struggles with her body; having knee problems with her good leg, a hernia and ongoing pain. She is moving toward accepting that this is her life, but it isn’t easy. Although she is grateful for the outcome compared to others, she has met along the way in her Cancer support network, it is still difficult when relating her situation to other “normal” women and mothers. Most people with her cancer have it come back within two years, but she has now graduated to yearly scans and her doctor is astounded at her progress.  This July she will celebrate six years since her diagnosis. “My daughter is the reason I am here today”.

Laura’s advice: “Live life to your fullest, you never know what tomorrow brings.  Life is too short.  Live, Laugh and Love!”

I met Laura over email when she reached out to me to ask me to write her story and I am honored to share the intimate details of her experience with the readers of Career Pump. Thank you for being the brave and amazing person you are Laura.

Story Written by Jenn DiRaddo Jefferson of Career Pump

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