Alexa wanted five kids. Coming from a family where she is the youngest of seven kids; it made sense. She loves being part of a big family. In high school she developed an interest in kinesiology which led her to pursuing an education in health science and occupational therapy. She holds a Master of Science in this area and has a love for anatomy and health. When she applied to schools she got into Occupational Therapy and it has become her passion and a rewarding career. Recently she tried a different aspect of Occupational Therapy in more of a consultant type role with LHIN; it wasn’t for her. She has returned to the hands-on work, with CBI Health Group. She loves when she can make an individual impact on clients. It is incredibly gratifying for her and allows her a lot of flexibility. This flexibility is needed as she is a mother of three beautiful children. Annalise, who is 13, Cael, who is 10 and Samuel who is 8.
Her husband Nick works out of town, so he isn’t as available for kids’ sick days, appointments etc. When it comes to the kid’s activities the weeks can get hectic, but they always make a point of eating dinner together. Alexa and Nick get a few minutes to catch up at the end of dinner when the kids have left the table, but otherwise, time to talk waits for the weekend between house chores and other kids’ activities and their social schedule. It isn’t easy, as parents of three kids, to make time for each other. They make it work by having date nights, running errands and doing chores together in order to stay connected.
Although she thought she would have more children, and her husband Nick was on board, after three maternity leaves she really wanted to go back to work and dive into her career. They made the decision that their family was complete as five Devine’s.
Alexa and Nick met through friends when they were in their twenties and got married and pregnant with Annalise soon after. When Alexa discovered she was pregnant, she felt very ready to give up her more independent life and start their family. She had an awesome first pregnancy with no issue getting pregnant. At the time Nick and she were renting a basement apartment and paying off student loans. She considers herself an introvert/extrovert so the time at home with her new baby was enjoyable and she got out to kinder music classes when she needed some social interaction. When it came to her second pregnancy, she didn’t feel completely ready, but Nick encouraged her that it was the right time. She was feeling so comfortable as a mom of one and didn’t want to mess with it. I think many of us can relate to that sweet spot you get to with your first child.
Another thing making her hesitant was that although her first pregnancy had gone well, she did have a complication when giving birth to Annalise. Their daughter was healthy, but Alexa had nerve damage in her leg and had to be rushed to McMaster Hospital. She was convinced it was permanent damage (her background and awareness of anatomy brought on this fear). For six weeks her knee would give out on her but eventually she got full use of her leg back. Isn’t it crazy the many number of health issues that can come up during pregnancy and childbirth for ourselves or our children? Our bodies sure are intricate and complex. This is something that really intrigues Alexa and fuels her work.
When Annalise was a baby they moved in with Alexa’s mother. Once they moved into their first home when Annalise was one year old, they soon became pregnant with Cael. Cael’s demeanor started out very different than the one he possesses today. He is a calm, cool and collected kind of guy. Hard to believe he was ever a colicky baby. When they were living in their new home and Cael was fifteen months old, she became pregnant with Samuel.
Alexa went with Obstetricians for her first two pregnancies; this time she decided on a midwife. All her experiences were positive, but the midwife went above and beyond to make her comfortable. The after care was very helpful when having two other children to take care of. It is a major consideration when thinking of your needs before and after birth. A lot of time the birth is the focus, but those other periods are a time of major vulnerability and uncertainty and support is key. I had an amazing Obstetrician for both my sons’ births but the idea of the warmer and more extensive care of a midwife is attractive to many and I understand why.
Cael’s birth was the smoothest of all three. Alexa was induced and it was a textbook delivery. Unfortunately, her third child Samuel came into the world in a more stressful way. The cord was around his neck twice and tied in a knot. The midwives were able to cut the cord, and everything turned out to be okay at the time. It is only now that there are some signs that the trauma of Samuel’s birth had an impact on him. Recently after being ill this past summer, vomiting in front of a large group of his family, Samuel developed extreme anxiety over being sick and dying. This fixation became very stressful for him and his family over the summer and they realized they needed help with navigating it. Samuel started seeing a psychotherapist and one of the things she asked about was his birth story. Alexa shared some very interesting research with me and so I spent some time reading about the link between birth trauma, such as cord being around the baby’s neck, and anxiety later in life. I’m not trying to alarm anyone as this is a common incident in many births, but it is worth reading about.
Of the three children Samuel had the most traumatic birth and is the most attached to Alexa. “He would climb back in the womb if he could.” His recent heightened anxiety about potentially getting sick or dying could, according to research, have started with his first moments during his birth when he felt threatened by the cord around his neck.
“Imagine being a fetus. Imagine floating comfortably in the warm, soft, dark, fluid space of your mother’s womb, drifting in and out of sleep, surrounded by muffled sounds and heartbeats. Then imagine the sudden shock of being awakened, and pushed and squeezed into the harsh, stark, and noisy outside world, amid your mother’s pained shrieks, racing heart, and adrenalin charged system. Add to that the strain of an unusually long labour, painful forced delivery, or a life-threatening situation, such as being strangled by the umbilical cord, and you have a major traumatic event. Then add the inevitable distress of the mother, to whom the baby is psychologically and energetically linked, and you have a super trauma.” (Dr. Lorri Craig)
Modern psychological treatment can help to correct the psychological damage of a traumatic birth. According to many researchers, therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), and AIT (Advanced Integrative Therapy) are particularly powerful. Samuel is currently undergoing neurofeedback therapy to help him “be the boss of his brain” in order to overcome the anxiety impacting his daily life.
After thirteen years of parenting and a relatively smooth and typical experience, it has been hard for the Devine’s to deal with the new struggle Samuel has been facing. But they are tackling it head on and getting him early intervention so he will overcome these difficulties. They have already begun to see improvement since beginning therapy. Anxiety and mental health are becoming more mainstream to discuss these days, but we still have a long way to go. The prevalence of this discussion is for good reason; many people live with different variations of mental illness or anxiety that can impact their daily lives. Talking about it can make us all feel less alone and get us the help we or our children need. I hope with this help Samuel will overcome this obstacle in his story and their family can move onto more peaceful days ahead.
As a mother watching your child struggle can be trying, take a lot of patience and make your heart ache for them. We can feel helpless and lost in many aspects of parenting as we learn as we go. Taking the leap to ask for help and seek out resources when we are going through something difficult, as a family, can be hard but, often when we do that is when we see the light.
When it comes to Alexa’s career, she sees a lot of opportunity for growth. She is considering expanding her practice to psychotherapy and cognitive behavioural therapy which she would need to become certified in. With the hectic schedule of being a working mom of three kids Alexa does a few things to keep her own mental wellness on track. She often orders groceries online for easy pick up, they have a cleaning service and her mom lives in an apartment in their home which is helpful for before and after school help with the kids. She encourages other moms to consider these types of things in order to get the support you need as a parent of young children.
Alexa and her family are now living in a house that she had her eye on for years. When it finally came on the market, they went for it and it was theirs by the end of that week. It was meant to be. Although it needed renovations to make it a four bedroom and the kids had to camp out together for awhile through this process; they are now settled and happy as the five Devine’s in this special home they have made their own.
Story Written by Jenn DiRaddo Jefferson of Career PUMP.
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