“We didn’t know the reason we couldn’t get pregnant, so we were on an adventure together to figure it out together, there was no one to blame and that made it easier. We were a team and he was always there for me. In the end we spent over $50 000 to have our children and we had to work together to get through it.”
Nicole is mother of girls, Asha and Adley. Both conceived by IVF. She is at the top of the event business game in Canada, working as National Director, Events for a prestigious, well known Restaurant company based in Toronto.
Nicole and Amyn tried to have children naturally for two years with no luck. This led to many years of fertility treatments. Managing the appointments and commitments of this process while working was harder than being a working parent. Working as General Manager of a large corporate event space while trying to conceive was stressful and time consuming. Many days Nicole pretended to be ok, diving into work to distract herself. No one at work knew what she was going through. She would drive from Pickering to Vaughn every morning at 6:00 am to monitor her cycle before taking the train into work downtown Toronto. There were so many ups and downs, “are you pregnant, are you not”, going back and forth from being excited to fearful. The stress took its toll and was tough on them as a couple.
Throughout this process there were many days she did not feel like going to work. She would get emails with news about not being pregnant and had to pull herself together and power through. Injecting herself in the bathroom and then coming out and acting like all was normal became a regular part of her work life. It was exhausting and emotional. Many women go through the stress of fertility treatments and testing all while maintaining a brave front in their daily lives and careers. This struggle is not openly discussed in the workplace yet it impacts so many employees.
Eventually Nicole and Amyn attempted IVF and after two cycles they were successful. The first cycle there were no embryos, the second cycle the last embryo worked and became their beautiful miracle baby Asha. For their daughter Adley they had to do a third cycle and this time the first embryo worked. The years of waiting and wishing finally led to the family they always hoped for.
Nicole returned to work, after her first mat leave, into a role that she had never done and had never envisioned herself doing. The person she was replacing was taking a leave of absence and went off abruptly leaving her with a lot of work to dive into. Sales was never an interest of Nicole’s. Event Operations is her thing, but her leadership was needed to turn this department around. She took on the challenge and leaped into Director of Sales and Operations, working 7:00am – 4:00pm. The hours were more conducive to her family life than her previous role would have been. However, it did mean getting up at 4:30am and Facetiming Asha from work while she would eat breakfast. Amyn was supportive of this schedule if she would lay out clothes for Asha for the next morning (handling his daughters wardrobe choice causes him anxiety! 😊). This position meant she would be home for evenings and weekends which was necessary due to her husband owning a restaurant franchise.
Nicole inherited a team that was exhausted and unhappy which meant evaluating who was essential and how to strengthen the team. She rebuilt parts of the sales process because she knew the operations side so well and this was an opportunity to make changes that would benefit all sides. A previous co-worker and friend, also returning from mat leave, became her Sr manager and they were able to share in the success of revitalizing the sales team and process.
Now on her second maternity leave her Sr Manager has been covering her role. It isn’t easy to let things go when someone is filling your role while you are off. I know many women struggle with this, as there is a fear of how things will play out when they return and what will happen to the person who replaced them. People may come and go while you are off and you need to develop new relationships quickly on your return.
Being off on maternity leave or staying home for awhile with our children can make us feel out of the loop and disconnected which can sometimes mean losing our sense of belonging.
In her second pregnancy she was 38 years old and found it very hard physically. She was quite sick in her last few weeks and ended up hospitalized. Adley is exclusively breast fed and so as she prepares to return to work again, she is in a crazy state trying to prepare her for daycare and time away from mom. With second children I’ve noticed this time creeps up before we know it and we’ve been more relaxed about it all and then suddenly its crunch time.
Nicole is a home body and loves it. She is not a very social person outside of work. Her job is very social, so she gets that type of interaction from her career. Focusing on family and staying in is what she wants to be doing right now. She is comfortable with cleaning and taking care of her home and children, but this will become difficult when she gets back to work.
Recently her and Amyn had a “good fight” while on vacation. He saw full on what it takes to take care of the kids and handle everything in a day; realizing he will have to step up more when Nicole returns to work. He works for himself and makes his own hours but drives all over and can be stressed out with the erratic schedule. She is encouraging him to take more ownership at home. “When you see something needs to be done, do it!” This is a common struggle many couples have. Having “the good fight” to get everything out on the line and get ahead of resentment can be key for survival.
When Nicole returns to her job this time, she is struggling with feelings around “do we go back to work as if we didn’t have kids?” Being a part of a company that is always evolving, she is anxious to get back and sort out what changes are to come.
In a short time, Nicole and her family will be finding their new normal and trying to carve out a routine as a family of four with two working parents. To prepare, Nicole is attempting to meal plan and creating a cleaning schedule. She admittedly hates making dinners on the fly and so some pre planning can ease some of that stress.
Nicole is an incredible leader and a mother who started sacrificing for her children long before their existence. When working with Nicole early in my career, I was inspired by her honesty and passion. I wish her a smooth transition back to work and into the chaos of career/mom life.
Story written by Jenn DiRaddo Jefferson of Career Pump. Follow along on Instagram @careerpump
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